Is It Possible to Avoid Networking?

I have always prided myself on being an anti-networker. I don’t go to galas. I don’t play golf. I don’t attend events or conferences unless I’m speaking (and even then, I’m typically in and out). I hate making small talk with strangers. I’m not that interested in the weather. So throughout my career, I have studiously avoided networking. And yet, I think I still may have been doing it all along.

A few weeks ago, a friend called and asked me to talk to a friend of his who had an idea involving AI and politics. When this friend asks me to meet with someone I do — and vice versa. So I talk to my friend’s friend about his idea. I like the guy and the idea is interesting. He asks if we can loop his partner in and we have another call a few days later. His partner owns a separate business and he asks if I’ll talk to a few of his colleagues about something they’re working on. That meeting hasn’t happened yet but once it does, the initial request from my friend will have led to at least three meetings.

Now, is this a bad use of my time? Maybe. Maybe not. Everyone in each meeting has some connection to the type of work we do, so it’s possible it leads to something useful at some point — an introduction to a startup we decide to invest in, a new client for our consulting firm, help with a legislative priority for our foundation’s work on school meals or mobile voting. Everyone in the meetings is typically intelligent and sophisticated. Pretty much everyone generally wants to add value and be helpful.

But let’s say nothing ever comes of it on any front. Was it a waste of time? In this case, maybe yes. But overall? Probably not. Every meeting of this sort — and there are typically a few of them on my schedule every day — has pros and cons. The downside is obvious — we all only have so much time in the day and once it’s gone, it’s gone. Fewer meetings would mean more free time, more time to write, more time to relax.

But the upside is there too. Human connection and interaction is essential, often bringing us joy and meaning. Sometimes in these meetings, I learn something useful. Sometimes I know going in that there’s little possible benefit to me on any front, but I’m helping someone else who needs advice. Generally, helping others produces far more happiness than buying something, because it makes you feel good about yourself (and in those meetings, the other person, well aware of the power dynamic, usually starts by telling you how great you are, which my fragile ego always appreciates).

And in my line of work, nothing is systematic. Clients you expect don’t materialize. Others come out of nowhere (in fact, we once spent eight months investigating how to build a public affairs marketplace to create a systematic way to get clients and eventually concluded it just couldn’t work). Intros to founders we invest in come from all sorts of places (except cold emails; I just automatically delete them, so please stop sending them). Sometimes a supporter of our nonprofit work who can help financially or politically comes from a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend.

Now, none of this argues for just taking every meeting. That’s a great way to both go out of business and completely lose your mind. And I certainly could — and should — be better at saying no (except whenever we try to apply categories or systems to make it easier, it never plays out accordingly and I never stick to it anyway).

But if your work relies upon meeting people, you end up networking. Sure, not going to events saves me some time and frees me from engaging in activities I dislike. And yes, meeting new people instead at my office or bookstore is a little more efficient and convenient. But call it whatever you want — mentoring, business development, being a good friend — it’s still networking at the end of the day.

Is there a way to get clients and meet top-notch startup founders, say yes to your friends, be a good person and still not have to do any of this? If there is, I haven’t found it. Hopefully other people have figured out how to do no form of networking in any way and still derive all the benefits above. I know I haven’t. If you have figured it all out, please let me know. Just don’t turn it into a meeting.