Skiball

Over the past decade, we’ve held an important national conversation about football safety. As a result, meaningful changes ensued – concussion protocols, new helmets, new rules protecting the quarterback, kickoff rule adjustments and many more. The changes were undeniably well intentioned. But what if they were the wrong approach? 

What if the right answer was to take the game in the complete opposite direction? What if the solution is to make the game even more exciting, more extreme, more violent? Introducing Skiball, the ultimate combination of two of the world’s most beloved sports – football and skiing. 

The concept is as simple as it is brilliant – competitors play a traditional game of tackle football, but on skis. With obstacles. At full speed. 

The offense starts at the top of the hill and it’s all downhill from there. They have four downs to score. The endzone is the bottom of the run (either the base or the chair lift, depending on location). All players – except the free safety – are on skis (snowboards will be considered by the SRRC – the Skiball Rules and Regulations Committee – for future seasons during the next series of annual meetings in Frankfurt and Brussels). All forms of offense traditionally available in football are allowed in Skiball – passing, handoffs, flea flickers, quarterback sneaks. The person with the ball is in play until they are fully, decisively brought to the ground. 

First downs and yards are not involved since each sequence is binary – either you score or you don’t. The offense has four tries to reach the endzone. Kicking is strictly forbidden. The defense can station one player – the free safety – on foot (they can wear the footwear of their choosing within league brand guidelines). This allows for countless strategic considerations on where to position the skiless defender. After a score or the expiration of downs, the teams return to the top of the hill for the next sequence. 

Each quarter is 15 minutes, not counting chair lift rides. The terrain evolves as the game progresses. The first quarter takes place on a green or blue trail – relatively flat and wide. The second quarter takes place on steeper terrain, a single black diamond. The third quarter moves to a run with moguls. The game ends on a steep, double black tree lined run (with moguls and ramps in the playoffs). The home team chooses the runs for each quarter. The visiting team chooses whether to start with the ball at the beginning of the first half or the second. Extra points are scored via ski jump (the ball handler must pass cleanly through the goalposts). In overtime, teams can opt to attempt a 120 meter ski jump, bringing the ball much closer to the end zone, somewhat akin to a hail mary. 

Game footage will be captured via drone and Go Pro cameras attached to the players helmets and to the bottom of the chair lift. Players will wear traditional ski gear except for gloves tailor made for throwing and catching a football (bids for exclusive couture handwear from four major houses are currently being evaluated). 

Since rushing the passer uphill is challenging, the offense consists of the quarterback, a running back, a tight end and wide receivers, totalling 6 offensive players. Defense is also six players with everyone effectively serving as cornerbacks and safeties (with one on foot). Injury replacements are not allowed – if a team loses a player to injury, they’re one down.  If the entire team is injured (or dead) before regulation expires, a forfeit results.

In order to capture the public demand for football during the offseason, the season will begin in Park City, Aspen, Vail and Jackson Hole the weekend after the Super Bowl. By mid-April, the game moves to the Southern Hemisphere and continues through June. The Super Ski Bowl will take place in Valle Nevado, Chile in early July. Tickets and VIP packages are now on sale. 

Players are signed to one year contracts and everyone is a free agent at the end of each season. All steroids and bodily enhancements are allowed. The league will begin with eight teams, four from the northern hemisphere and will consider expansion heading into season two. Discussions with the International Olympic Committee for inclusion in the Milan/ Cortina 2026 Winter Olympics are already underway. 

All games will be streamed live on YouTube and Discord with live, in-game gambling options for fans on everything from the outcome of the game itself to how many bones are broken or limbs are lost over the course of a quarter to overall rates of death or dismemberment (remember, fatalities are a feature, not a bug). Odds will be recalculated every four nanoseconds to give fans the most accurate betting information. 

To learn more about team ownership, season ticket plans, sponsorships, or medivac contracts, please email info@skiball.com (ask for Lenny).