Street rant

Unlike most of my columns, this is not a policy proposal. It’s not a political analysis. It’s not about a new trend in tech or tech investing. It’s a rant. And while this rant is specific to New York City (where I live), I think it’s applicable broadly to a lot of places. 

In cities, we all have to live together. While laws and policies can incentivize us to behave a certain way, at the end of the day, a city works a lot better if everyone tacitly agrees to live by a basic set of rules, norms and courtesies. Without that, everything falls apart. Here are some ways we could make things easier for everyone. 

I. Your Phone

• Do not stare at your phone while you walk up or down the subway stairs. It literally slows dozens of people behind you, all because you don’t have the basic self awareness and courtesy to recognize that you’re holding everyone up. Just wait until you’re on the street or the platform.

• This one is for my kids especially, but do not look at your phone while you’re crossing the street. At any given moment, a New York City block has cars, trucks, bikes, motorcycles, pedestrians, construction workers, trash cans (sometimes even with the trash actually inside of it), debris, subway grates, hot dog carts, and a dozen other impediments. You’re going to get run over or get someone else hurt if you’re not paying attention. Again, there is literally nothing you are doing that is so important that it can’t wait till you get to the other side of the street (and if it is, just take care of your business first and then cross the street).

• Do not stare at your phone and block the subway doors. And in general, if you are standing right in front of the doors, it doesn’t matter if the next stop isn’t your stop. If you’re blocking the doors, you’re blocking everyone else. Move out of the way. If you want something door to door, take a taxi or an Uber. But being so absorbed in your phone or your music or your conversation that you’re not willing to shuffle a few feet to accommodate everyone else is unreasonable.

II. Bikes

• Do not ride your bike on the sidewalk. Sidewalks are for pedestrians. You have the whole street. You have bike lanes. Yes, it may be that the sidewalk is faster for you – at the expense of everyone else. When you put your needs ahead of society’s, you’re not only just acting shitty, you’re a zero sum person. Everyone else’s loss is your gain and visa versa. You’re Donald Trump. If you want to be like Trump (and not the power/ money/ luxury/ everything gold plated part, just the insane megalomania part), go ahead and ride your bike on the sidewalk. Otherwise, use the street like you’re supposed to.

• Ride your bike the right way down the bike lane. I’m not sure what happened but, all of a sudden, the rules no longer seem to apply. People now ride their bikes in either direction, everywhere. It’s reasonable for cars and pedestrians to look for bikes – but only in the direction the bikes are supposed to be going. Riding the wrong way guarantees that you’re eventually going to hurt someone and hurt yourself. It’s stupid and selfish. 

• Another one for my kids (and everyone, but especially Lyle). When you’re on a Citibike, wear a helmet. I know it’s uncool. I know no other kids do it. But you’re riding electric bikes that go 18 miles per hour. That’s basically a slow motorcycle. Not wearing a helmet is just begging for something bad to happen. Citibike also needs to do a much better job not making it so easy for 15 year olds to rent electric bikes (literally, all of them do). 

• Finally, why are cyclists not subject to the same laws and standards as drivers? If drivers run red lights, drive the wrong way down the street, drive drunk or dozens of other things, they get a ticket and sometimes even go to jail. Yes, it’s great that cyclists are not emitting fossil fuels. On behalf of a grateful nation, we thank you. But it’s not so noble that it should exempt them from all laws and all enforcement of those laws. Cyclists who violate traffic laws should face the same penalties and they certainly should be banned from Citibike. 

III. Scaffolding

• This one is for building owners and property managers. I know you have scaffolding up because you’re trying to comply with Local Law 11. And I know you just leave the scaffolding up indefinitely because it’s cheaper than taking it down and then putting it up again a year or two later. I hear you. But there’s enough scaffolding in New York City to stretch from Manhattan to Montreal. It leads to crime and violence. It makes our streets dark and dangerous. And nowadays, drones could be used to do the same inspections in a fraction of the time, at a fraction of the cost. Let’s join together to end the corruption of the scaffolding monopoly and force City Hall and the City Council to repeal Local Law 11. 

IV. Weed

• Asking the illegal weed shop owners to not sell to kids or just to not sell weed illegally in general seems naive and pointless but does everyone have to smoke blunts and joints on the streets, right next to schools, next to playgrounds, next to large groups of people? I guess you can argue that people getting high aren’t worried about anyone else but I’m not sure that’s true. Stoners are just like the rest of us (more or less). We could also try enforcing the laws once in a while. 

The list above are ways that I would like to see New Yorkers behave better, but it’s by no means exhaustive, so please add your own to the comments (or email them to me at bradley@firewall.media).